Thursday, September 27, 2007

Memo to Steven Spielberg and George Lucas...

...When you fuck with a classic, like replacing guns with walkie-talkies, turning an unfinished opus by Stanley Kubrick into a sappy, sentimental kitzsch-fest, making Greedo shoot first or making Darth Vader C-3P0's builder, or making another Indiana Jones movie, you know what happens?

KARMA, bitches!

Therefore, here follows the spoilers about Indiana Jones IV that they don't want you to read:

Director Steven Spielberg and producer George Lucas made the entire cast and crew of "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" sign nondisclosure agreements. But Tyler Nelson - cast as a "dancing Russian soldier" - gave an interview to his hometown newspaper, the Edmond Sun in Oklahoma, in which he revealed that:

* Indy, played once again by Harrison Ford, and the Soviet army are both searching for a priceless skull made of crystal in the jungles of South America.

* The Russians take Indy hostage and then blackmail him by threatening to kill his ex-girlfriend and mother of his son, Marion Ravenwood, portrayed by Karen Allen. Cast as the son is Shia LaBeouf.

* Cate Blanchett plays an evil Russian who grills Indy. "I saw Harrison Ford strapped to a chair and being interrogated," Nelson told the paper.