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Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

Monday, October 20, 2008

Questionable Content and Other Sundry Notions

So one of the biggest productivity-killers I've encountered of late has been the amusing and endearing webcomic, Questionable Content by Jeph Jacques. It's a wonderful ongoing comedy about twentysomethings in college, hanging out, having coffee, listening to hipster music and contemplating life, sex, love and pop culture. The website is here, but if you're new to the comic, you should probably start reading from the beginning, here.

I guess what I like best about this story is that it reminds me in many respects of Oh Well, Whatever, Nevermind, my own novel about twentysomething lovelorns growing up and hanging out. I think Jacques nails the sentimentality and the poignancy better than I did, however, and I really think his work deserves to be read. Please check it out; I think you'll enjoy!

***

On to other topics, this weekend I completed the third rewrite of The Darkness and the Stars, which is the follow-up volume to The Unearthing. I am currently recruiting beta readers to go over the "finished" story and let me know their thoughts. For fans of The Unearthing, this is your chance to read the next part of the story before anyone else; it is also an opportunity to provide feedback to the author, and possibly help shape the final version of the novel.

I am also looking for beta-readers for another project some of you may be familiar with, called Crossroads. The latter story is technically "finished", having debuted eight years ago on the Jumpgate web portal. However, I feel it needs a bit of polish. It has proven beyond my capacity to see where to tweak it, so I'm offering it up for book-doctoring. I know it needs some work, I just don't know where.

If you're interested in helping with either project, you can either reply to this post or email me. Don't be concerned if you're not a writer; what's more important is that you be a reader. It is a reader's opinion I need.

***

Also in the "ME" news, I will be going back over Oh Well, Whatever, Nevermind as my next project. Following the suggestions of one of it's beta readers, I will be doing the final revision of that story by starting with the last chapter and working backwards. Likely, Nevermind will be the next story I submit for publication. I'll be shortly in the market for an agent/publicist to help with that.

Well, that's it for this post. Glad to be writing about writing again...I'm sick of that beady-eyed fat fuck Stephen Harper. God help us, we have at least another two years of his shit to live through.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

On New Laptops

Don't get me wrong, I really love my new laptop. I love its videogame-ready graphics accelerator, its 2GB ram and 160 gb hard drive, multiple USB ports, widescreen and 3 hour battery life.

But, I really wanted a Mac.

And my new machine runs on Windows Vista.

So why didn't I get a Mac?

Well, it all boils down to cost. The price of two of the Acer Aspire laptops I bought (One for me, one for Angel, both tax deductible thanks to CONFRONT Magazine and my writing career) was still less than a new Macbook Pro. Add to that the fact we were given a copy of MS Office 2007 for Windows, it also meant we were saving a king's ransom on software.

Now, the laptop runs perfectly fine, and now that it's set up, it's terriffic. The problem was setting it up.

The usual tedium of first activation of a PC applied: about two hours of automated installation and setup, followed by the real sheer hell. The laptop refused to connect to my home-based wifi network, instead it kept connecting to every other wifi network in the fucking neighbourhood.

Basically, the struggle to get the laptop to connect to my wifi netowrk and not any other network went something like this:

Me: Stop connecting to the other networks.

Computer: But they're better!

Me: I want you to connect to MY network.

Computer: OK! Please restart me to make this network the default network!

Me(After restarting the computer): You're connecting to the other network again!

Computer: This network is better!

Me: IT'S NOT MY FUCKING NETWORK! MY MAIN COMPUTER ISN'T ON THIS NETWORK!

Computer: Okay! Just switch me over to the network you want me to use!

Me: Ok!

Computer: OK! Please restart me to make this network the default network!

Me: You BETTER make it the default network...FUCK! YOU ARE CONNECTING TO THE OTHER NETWORK AGAIN!

Computer: This network is better!

Me: FORGET THAT NETWORK! FORGET THE OTHER NETWORKS! FORGET ALL THE OTHER NETWORKS!

Computer: Okay! Please restart me to make this network the default network!

Me: FINALLY!

Computer: You can't connect to the internet from here!

Me: WHAT? Why...aren't...you...connecting...to...the...fucking...INTERNET?

Computer: You don't have permission on this network to connect to the internet. Here are some other networks! You can connect to the internet using THEM!

Me: GOD DAMMIT! YOU PIECE OF SHIT!

Computer: If you like, I can attempt to repair the wifi connectivity so you can connect to the internet using your default network.

Me: YES! PLEASE!

Computer: There is nothing to repair. This connection is working fine!

Me: For FUCK's sake! No it isn't!

Computer: Yes, it is!

Me: No, it isn't!

Computer: Yes, it is!

Me: NO! IT REALLY ISN'T!

Computer: Would you like to connect to the internet?

Me: Yes! Absolutely!

Computer: You are now on another network and connected to the internet!

Me: YOU SON OF A BITCH! FORGET THAT NETWORK! FORGET EVERY SINGLE NETWORK YOU HAVE!

Computer: Okay!

Me: Now, connect to MY network!

Computer: Your WHAT, now?

Me: My network,

Computer: What network?

Me: THIS network!

Computer: I don't see a network,

Me: It's right there!

Computer: That wi-fi thingie that you have connected to the other, obsolete computer? Is that what you want me to do?

Me: YES! Oh, God, please, YES!

Computer: THIS network over here is better! I'll connect to it, instead!

Me: NOOOOOOOO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! O NOES! NO!

Computer: Okay.

Me:Just...connect...to...my...network...don't...even...LOOK...at...other...networks...

Computer: Even if they're BETTER?

Me: Even if they're better...even if they're the best network you've ever seen, even if the network is a direct pipeline into the greatest most important secrets in all the cosmos, even if the network is hard-wired into the back of God's head...even if the network entices you with shiny things...don't...connect...to...another...network...just...MINE!

Computer: Okay! You're now connected to the network. You're now on the internet! Wasn't that easy?

See, now that that's over with, the computer actually works fine. When I go to the cafe, I can connect to Ile Sans File without problem, when I come back home it connects to the home network...but the setup was such a pain in the ass...SUCH a pain in the ass that I'd rather suffer through a proctological exam than do it again.

The writing is marvellous again; I'm almost through The Darkness and the Stars, I'm slating other projects, I've all my music stored on the laptop...simply dreamy!

But, next time, I want to get a Mac.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

Michael Bay's Rejected Bat Man Script

Something to tide you all over until the release of The Dark Knight.

http://my.spill.com/profiles/blog/show?id=947994%3ABlogPost%3A355506